Ras Trent- still haunting me.

It's been at least a week since the first time I watched the Ras Trent video and only in the last two days or so have I been able to sit quietly and not keep singing bada-ding-ding-ding-ding dong, dong-ding-dong-duck over... and over... and over again.

And then this morning happened.

The Tall One woke and put his head right by my ear and quietly sang "Are you there, Jah?  It's me Ras Trent."

I suppose it could've been the giraffe song so I should be thankful.  But now I'm all irie again.  Dang it.

"This is what happens when hippies get money."

The Tall One is on a freaking ROLL right now. Here's another gem:

"This is why God made hippies poor, so they can't afford to pull crap like this."

And: "There's nothing worse than a SMUG hippie."

Sigh.

So, there's this new "show" (and I use the term loosely) on Animal Planet called Whale Wars. In it, hippies drive around in really really expensive ships wearing ostentaciously expensive outerwear and attack commercial fishermen killing whales.  They're like "green" pirates, complete with their own pirate flag (I kid you not, it's their version of a skull & crossbones), that they run up when they come out from behind icebergs to go on the offensive. We found it so hilariously lame, the Tall One had to turn the channel in frustration when they did that.  Somewhere, they got the funding for this sort of thing and it includes Zodiacs with which they ram the fishing boats in an attempt to get them to stop killing whales. While I should let it go that this is just natural selection at its finest (I mean, really? You're going to ram an inflatable boat into a LARGE moving steel object and think you're going to have an impact? By all means, carry on...), I'm a little astounded by this whole thing.

I'm all for saving the whales.  They're beautiful, and awesome, and worth making sure we keep their numbers safe and healthy.  But somewhere, some dirty hippies (complete with bad facial hair and ponytails on both sexes) got a fire lit under their butts and they're using some pretty questionable techniques to see that their agenda is being heard.  And they're using a lot of money to get it done.  And now, some TV channel is paying a lot of freaking money to show this sort of thing.  What recession?!  I thought times were tough and there was an economic crisis?  Apparently not, because in some freezing cold ocean at one of the poles, a whole fleet of hippies is wearing some high end all-weather gear and trashing seagoing vessels.  Seriously, how is this legal?

And here's what gets me.  These guys are doing some things that if we saw them being done on land, or if they were done by certain other shall we say "often talked about and rather violent groups", we'd be more ticked off rather than cheering them on.  I'm not saying it's OK to kill lots of whales, and I'm certainly NOT agreeing with people that use violent overtures to get their point across.  And maybe it's way less black/white than I'm taking it, but what they're doing comes across as slightly terrorist.  If it was a fundamental Muslim group sneak-attacking boats for God knows whatever reason, we'd be raising a holy ruckus! But because it's nice fluffy cute whales, it's OK?  

I'm confused.  

But it's really fun to watch the Tall One get all riled up and spit out one liners.  Makes my night.

Drinking gasoline and spitting pure fire.

I could do this all night.  This one makes me laugh more than Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals.  My lungs hurt.

Are you there, Jah? It's me Ras Trent.

Well, it must be exam time in a few days because I'm instantly intrigued with finding the funniest things online that I possibly can.  Annie- this dose of Andy Samberg love goes out to you.

Red Stripe, Shabba Ranks, ba-da ding ding ding ding whoooooooaaaaoooo.

C'mon, let's grow up a little.

I know you're pissed, I know you're angry.  Protest until moon falls from the sky, I don't care.  It's a free country and we celebrate the right to express our opinions without fear or threat of harm or imprisonment. 

Until you take it too far.

Signs and chanting, fine.  Resorting to terrorist tactics, infinitely idiotic.  Supremely unintelligent. Trying to be "menacing" while sending envelopes of "fake white powder"- could you be any more stupid?!?  As far as I'm concerned, those people have totally debased any authenticity to their movement and I consider them cowards and juvenile.

I've said it before and I'll say it again- think of someone else other than yourself for once. 

Let's be adults, and conduct ourselves as such.  Otherwise, I have no sympathy or respect for you and your platform.  And that goes for BOTH sides.

Heartbroken.

It's almost midnight and I can't go to sleep.  My college alma mater, Westmont College, is in the middle of a massive, devastating brush fire... and it's starting to lose the battle.  That is the front gate into the school, and all behind it is the glow.

While watching the news, I found out that my freshman dorm, the beloved Clark dorm, had caught fire.  Some time later, I recall the word "engulfed" being used.  And then they showed it.  It broke my heart.  My freshman year was a defining moment in my life- and the main stage for it is now gone.  When I called a friend to tell her, we started crying.  

Now, I've talked some major crap on Westmont since graduating, mostly because they got my name wrong at my freaking college graduation (that much money, you think they could've gotten it right), it can be a bubble, it's like high school, chapel is required... on and on and on.  

But when I heard about the fire, something weird happened.  An overpowering defensive feeling, kind of like, "HEY!!!  That's MY school, you can't do that!!!"  I didn't used to feel that way.  But now, I'm so sad the place that was the cause of so much fretting and at the same time so many good times is suffering and might not make it through the night.

The place that introduced us to the "Trough", otherwise more politically correctly referred to as the Sunday Night Sundae Bar.

The place that awarded me the degree that will help me look better when I apply for jobs in a few months.

The place where I met some dear friends that I'm still close with over 10 years later.

The place where I met my dear, dear husband for crying out loud!  If he hadn't been a Clark G guy, and I hadn't been an honorary Clark H girl, we might never have met.  Mostly because he was too busy emailing his girlfriend for the first two years and I was too busy surfing and stalking the checkout boys at the local Vons- but we ran in the same circle of friends so we knew each other!

The place where I could kick all the decrepit lightposts going down the hill from the Student Center (the Dooker rules!!!), and they'd all dim out and then slowly one-by-one they'd come back on.

The place where I slammed my hip into a very tall stereo speaker as I stumbled out of bed and into a doorway during the 1994 Northridge earthquake (yes, we felt it all the way up in Santa Barbara).

And now, there's no more news.  I have to wait until daybreak to see what remains of the site of 4 years of memories.

God, please keep Westmont safe.

(The above photo was taken by some incredibly brave soul named Ray Ford.  Just giving credit where credit is rightly due.  He took a lot of photos of the campus earlier in the night, and while I appreciate seeing the truth, it still made me cry.)

A public information message from your local corn grower.

I just saw this ad and it freaking killed me. Really? The corn growers are this hard up, what with all those pesky doctors and nutrionists telling people to cut down/out sugar because they're obese or have diabetes or some other chronic health condition? Darn those health professionals, submarining an industry just keep their patients alive!!!! Way to fight back farmers- cheesy ads with really bad acting and lame logic.

Just a little advice- if your food tastes that crappy that you have to add super concentrated sugars to it just to make it palatable, perhaps it's best left uneaten.  Also, way to look at your bottom line- so what if obesity and diabetes are reaching epidemic proportions in our society?  Daddy needs a new tractor!!!

I'm going to add this to my list of reasons for why our country is screwed up.  We do a lot of stuff right, but it's way more fun to scorn the idiots and their mistakes.  

Hi, meet my friend, Pride, and her twin, Sarcasm!

Kazoo Hero.

This fulfills two of my requirements to declare something funny: it involves kazoos (which are a MAJOR fixture of the yearly Bare Christmas Eve extravaganza along with Kirsch and fondue- Swiss for life!!) and it makes fun of Guitar Hero. My job is done for today.

The Shallow and the Petty.

I admit it.  I sink to the level of cattiness and the inane when I could really care less about talking about "real issues."  Perfect example- when the Lakers choked in the NBA finals earlier this year, I didn't focus on the fact that they couldn't make stops or score when it counted, I rant (present-active participle tense, because I still do) about what a faker Paul Pierce is.  AAAARRRGGHH!!!  My knee!!!  I'm mortally wounded... I need to be carried of the cooouurrttt... WAIT!  I'm baaaacckk, and I can still plaaaay...  Makes me almost dry heave thinking about it.

And now with all the post election coverage (because really, when this is all you report on for 7-8 months, you can't just flip the switch back to life as usual- kind of like quitting heroin.  So, I'm told...), there is just too much fodder for me.  I'm like a kid in a candy shop.  I can't keep it in anymore.

Bwaa-ha-haaaaaaa...

Good grief!  Seriously- what the hell was Joe Biden's wife thinking?  This is a multiple choice question, kids:

A) Dammit, Michelle!!!  I called "red".  I hate you.  Four years of you getting first pick because you're the First Lady.

B) Nobody cares about the VP's wife and I wore all my good outfits earlier, maybe people won't notice...

C) It worked for Sir Isaac Lime and I love Otter Pops- I'm rockin' the lime!!!!

D) Aren't glow sticks cool?  I'm trying to garner the rave partiers' vote.

E) This term's VP's wife, brought to you by BIC highlighters and the color yellow!

AAAIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!! 

I was calmly watching TV during my lunch when this disaster masquerading as a news anchor started pitching the day's election roundup.  All this after she got the weatherman's question right and laughed uncomfortably long and loud over it.  And here's the question: On what kind of day would you see more sun- mostly sunny or partly cloudy?  She was, no joke, ecstatic she got it right.  It was awkward.  But not as awkward as her face, which has no wrinkles even when moving, or her lips which are Botoxed to the painful/stung by a hive of bees level.  And I'm just saying what you might be thinking- her boobs could be bigger.  I'm just sayin'...  

Wait, here's another- it was too good...

Ok- I feel better.  

That was fun.

Bwaa-ha-haaaaaaaaa...

I voted!

And I even got one of those cute little stickers!  But, I didn't go out and claim my free tall drip coffee from Starbuck's- even though I could've gotten one for free even if I hadn't voted.  

Which I almost did, just out of protest of a completely ugly, nasty, vitriolic campaign season that has left a bad taste in my mouth.  This country is screwed up, and this election has just highlighted a few of the reasons why.  

Plus, did you know that even if you're on a Do Not Call list for both your home and phone, political groups are exempt from this invasion of privacy and can dial you at anytime with their annoying prerecorded agenda?  What the hell?  When I said "Don't call me", I didn't mean "Don't call unless you're peddling political agendas and then I'm all ears"- I really meant Don't call me.  I generally don't like strangers.  Especially ones telling me what to do.

I almost left a sign on my front door ordering people destroying the earth by littering my doorstep with their annoying flyers to stop doing so, but decided the Tall One wouldn't endorse my position.  But then again, he told me to leave a note for the lazy asses in our cul-de-sac that insist on blocking one whole half of the community driveway with their trash bins because they're too lazy to walk 20ft. down the street to some open curb space.  I maintain that is too passive- if I just plow into them and make them clean up the mess for PUTTING THEIR TRASH BINS IN THE WAY OF TRAFFIC FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE that's going to drive the whole point home much easier.  They can just throw away the note, but every second they're picking up their trash from the ground they'll be remembering to keep the driveway open next time.  But, I digress...

One word about the presidential election and then I'll let it go.  I really could've cared less who won, mostly because I don't like either of them.  But I find it interesting that everyone is so fired up to vote and "Rock the Vote" and your vote matters, because when I see the popular vote numbers, and then I see the electoral vote numbers... I'm thinking there's a disparity.  Last I saw, the popular vote was close- but if you look at the electoral votes, it was a landslide.  So, is the electoral vote really the vote of the people?  Did my vote really count?  

I don't think so.  And that makes me think that my walk up to the polling place was nothing but a breath of fresh air after a rain.  

Which is more than I can say for this election.