ICED MOCHAS!!!!!!!

You know times are tough when I'm drinking iced mochas out of my old school, plastic 22oz. Ruby's Diner cup.   I have exam #4 tomorrow and yet I'm writing this, Facebooking and stalking the Memorial Care Health System website for their new grad positions.  You're posting the spots on March 30th, huh?? LIARS!!!!!!  

Three more weeks of nursing school.  Can I survive?

Shooby-dooby.

Reggae Sucks.

Dear God,

Please smite ruin and pestilence upon my insufferable neighbor and his surround sound system.  

Thank you.  Amen.

Screw the dosage instructions...

Being a nursing student, I have to learn an obnoxious amount of information.  Sometimes, this includes dosing instructions for medications.  If we've learned one thing, it's that those dosage ranges, unlike the pirate code, are not merely guidelines, they're to be heeded.

Which is why I love Facebook.  If I was a doctor, I'd open up a Facebook medical clinic, where you could give me your status update in the form of whatever viral infection you have and you can then demand an antibiotic.  And then, I will respond with a lengthy dissertation on how your frivolous use of antibiotics is singlehandedly contributing to bacterial resistance and the dwindling number of effective antibiotics.  And then you'll still demand an antibiotic because you got one once and it "totally helped".  Screw you and your knowledge, I know what I'm doing!!!  Science????  Pfffttt...

For the last two days, I've seen people update their status with their current symptoms and then they get deluged with armchair doctor advice.  Some of it is good.  Some of it is bad.  Some of it is a sure way to go into kidney or liver failure.  And sometimes, you gotta ask yourself, "Hmm, this fever I'm typing- like 103.5, that sounds pretty dramatic.  Perhaps I should close Facebook and reach for Tylenol and monitor the situation, and possibly make an appointment with a doctor?"

But the kicker was this, in response to a CONTINUED fever of 103 and higher: "Yeah, flu's going around... lots of Tylenol and Advil, every 3 hours..."  And here's where I get self-righteous.  

Advil: 1-2 capsules every 4-6 hours, not to exceed 6 capsules in a 24 hour period.

Tylenol: 2 capsules every 6 hours, not to exceed 8 capsules in a 24 hour period.

Now, since there isn't a specific amount of pills listed in the stellar advice given, considering most people take at least 1-2 pills each time, following this advice, you would be dosing 8 times in a 24 hour period, and at 1-2 pills each, you're looking at a minimum of 8 pills and up to at least 16 pills in that time period, and figure that's for each brand.  Now, let's factor in the knowledge that Tylenol is toxic to your liver and Advil can kill your kidneys.  That's not a good friend.  She's effectively and unwittingly recommending organ damage for you.  Hi, can I have a one-way ticket to Organtransplantville on the Organ Damage Express?

I admit, I used to live by the motto: if 2 work, 3 will be great.  When the Tall One and I started dating, and he found out about my shenanigans, he got strangely serious and told me clearly and plainly- follow the instructions with those pills.  So, when the guy who doesn't take most things seriously actually tells me to follow instructions, you better believe I listened.  

I think people think that Tylenol and Advil are innocuous because you can buy them over the counter and everyone takes them.  Want to know something?  If someone wanted to end it all, rather than blow a heap of money on Valium or street drugs, just buy some Tylenol, take half the bottle and kiss your liver goodbye.  Done and done.

Don't ever ask me for dosage advice.  It's like opening Pandora's Box.  I will just give you the most condescending incredulous look and tell you that a lot of people waaay smarter than me with a lot higher degrees than me spent a lot of time and research to make that information readily available to you.  It's on the container, that information is there for a reason...

Your kidneys and liver are supposed to last a lifetime, don't let some doof with their own organ damage tell you how to take pills.

Seriously? THREE hours???

It's official.  I just applied for my first official nursing job.  Sniffle, sniffle.   If it hadn't taken me so danged long, maybe I would be more nostalgic.  Maybe I would've take a picture of the screen shot of part of the online application.  By the end of it, I wanted to huck my beloved Mac out the back door and send a heartily worded letter to the hospital about how annoying it is to fill out all that junk online, especially when you hit "submit" and it keeps telling you to fill in stuff.  If I didn't fill it out, it's because it doesn't apply or I just don't know.  Like my boss' phone number from 2000-2001.  I DON'T KNOW!!!!  I even called some people that might know what his number was, just in an attempt to look more thorough and less like a pile.

All that being said, I just applied for a New Grad position in the ER at a hospital in Oceanside.  Not exactly the closest location, but you can't beat the drive.  I can check out the surf that I won't be able to experience while on my way to work.  

On second thought, that's a lame drive.  What am I thinking?

The CCU has no idea what it's in for.

Forgot to mention that I received my preceptorship assignment.  I will be in the Coronary Care Unit at Hoag for about 5-6 weeks, 1-2 days a week talking care of heart patients.  I like heart patients.  I'm beyond excited and pretty much humbled I was given one of the two spots.  

That being said, yesterday was a good and tough day.  Good in that my test went better than I could've dreamed.  I about cried halfway through because it was going so well and I knew most of the answers.  Good because I will finish out my semester in the CCU.  Good in that I took my photo for graduation, was legally fingerprinted and received all my paperwork to apply for state board exams in June.  Bad in that we lost 3 students yesterday, on top of 2 last week, bringing the grand total of lost students to 5 this semester.  

It's hard to lose students at this stage.  We're so close to the end, but this semester is TOUGH, there's a LOT of material and the questions change and get harder.  Some of the students have been with us since our first semester, and it's scary to think about making it this far and not being able to pass it this time and have to retake the class.  But that's the upside, they can repeat the class and still get a chance at graduating.  It just won't be with us, and that's hard.

I'm pretty darn thankful to be here at this place right now.  I've got a lot weighing me down and a tough schedule ahead of me, but the light at the end of the tunnel is shining brighter.  I'm definitely not here on my own, Someone is guiding me and pushing me along.  

And that's encouraging.

Wild America!!

I'm in Colorado and within 2 hours of landing I was sitting in a hot tub and nursing school was a distant memory.  While my stepdad took photos of my mom and I so we could send them to the Tall One and incite jealousy, we watched the local fox (yes, local- there is a family of them and they come out to visit between 6-7pm every day) come tearing from around the garage on the heels of what we're pretty sure was a cat.  They were gone pretty fast but it was like National Geographic or Wild America from the 70's.  All it needed was a Marty Stouffer voice-over.

Shortly thereafter, one of the neighbors came over looking for his dog.  Gulp.  Turns out the dog is blonde, the chasee was not so we felt better.  The neighbor reported that "Oh yeah, the fox won." He could hear yelping from the woods.

Ewww.  And yet, so wild.  Survival of the fittest (Herbert Spencer would be so proud).  Circle of Life.  Or worse, too slow!

I like Colorado.  But this state is in dire need of some humidity.

Mathematical encouragement.

In a couple of days, I will get deep and introspective and fill you in on the deep dark thoughts going around in my head.  So much so, you might think I need some anti-depressants.  But never fear, I officially start spring break after 3pm tomorrow and board a plane for CO Thursday morning where I will spend 10 days hanging with family, walking around a lake, snowboarding and beer tasting.  They have some good indie breweries in Colorado and I love me a sip of brew, especially when I'm stressed out.

But in the meantime, I have a crucial exam tomorrow- hence why I'm typing this.  I've been studying an unholy amount since class last Wednesday and I think I've reached the point where the more I study, the less I'm recalling- essentially dumber by the minute.  

Tomorrow's test covers everything critical about the brain (traumatic brain injuries, spinal cord injury, neuro assessments) and endocrine (otherwise known as how in trouble you are if your hypothalamus or pituitary or thyroid/parathyroid/adrenal glands go south).  This test is crucial because this is the last test before they assign us to a floor and a nurse for preceptorship.  Preceptorship is the 8-9 shifts I will work where I will be followed by the nurse, instead of the other way around, and I'll be responsible for 75% of the nurse's patient load.  It's like Almost Nurse, with a little birdie watching over me giving me pointers.  A student must have a 72% in the lecture portion of class to go on to preceptorship, and at least an 85% to get the chance to precept in a specialty area like the ER, ICU or someplace fancy like that.  

I have a 92% going into tomorrow's test.  I'm not so much concerned about not making it to preceptorship (but a healthy fear of it always keeps one motivated) but it would be nice to have the option to go specialty if the spot is there.  As usual, I busted out my calculator to put things into cold, hard perspective.

Total points possible after tomorrow's exam: 150

Total points needed to have a 72% in lecture: 108

Total points needed to have an 85% in lecture: 128 (it's 127.5, but halfsies aren't allowed)

My total points after two exams: 92

For tomorrow's 50 point exam:

Points I need to get a 72%: 16 (I can miss a whole 34 points and still go on!  Let's not try this...)

Points I need to get an 85%: 36 (that's 14 missed questions!)

I feel better, enough to take my headache down a notch.  I woke up with it.  Apparently, it's part of my stress response.  But I still won't feel better until it's all over with.

In about 4 weeks, I'll post the cumulative picture right before my final.  Wow, that final is in 5 weeks.

My headache just came back...

Did he have a magic mirror to see 2009?!?

I appreciate the fact that a 19th-century philosopher pretty much nailed our country in 2009 on the head:

"The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools." -- Herbert Spencer

Harsh?  Probably.  But the man responsible for the phrase "Survival of the Fittest" obviously had a way with words.

That, and a serious set of sideburns to match that wit.

Isn't running with sharp objects a bad thing?

If it is, can someone PLEASE explain to me why Shelley Duvall is running like a ragdoll through the Overlook Hotel with a 10in kitchen knife?  A little wrist tension to keep that blade from winging about, how about it sister?

At this point, the only person I want running with sharp objects is my socially clueless neighbor that has his head up his rear and insists on listening to John Mayer with the power bass setting cranked to 11 while I'm trying to study the wide spectrum of endocrine disorders.

I can't decide if I wish to give him my fantastic Wusthof knife set or wish a case of thyroid storm on him.  Not a bad one, just enough to make that stereo be quiet until after my exam Wednesday.

Please, please, please, please let it be just a year lease...

When running causes more stress than relief...

Every day that I go out for a run, I set out with grand hopes of burning off some calories and steam.  The calories are a foggy issue, seeing as we have a few boxes of evil confections from those evil little girls in green.  However, I definitely seem to be aquiring a positive net of steam.  

I live in egocentric, self-absorbed Orange Country, where there sure as heck is an "I" in team and even better if that "I" looks like a "1" so you can put a number sign in front of it because that's what people are looking out for.  That's the only way I can explain the things I come across all the time while running.  The following list contains people, things or situations that I encounter on a near daily basis.  Just this morning, I came across #'s 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, AND 9.  It's amazing I'm almost a nurse given my general disdain for strangers.

I present my list of 9 things that I encounter while running that I really, REALLY dislike.  This is in no particular order, because they all make me mad equally.

1) People that have enough money & sense to have a dog, feed it and care for it... but wouldn't dream of taking a plastic bag with them on a walk so they let the pooch poop all over the sidewalk.
2) Road bicyclists. So elitist. They think they're so awesome. But let me tell you, dropping a few grand on the latest & raddest road bike, some lame lycra outfit and then drafting your buddies on flat ground and then posting up on the patio at the local coffee shop while marinating in your sweaty Lycra once a week on Saturday mornings isn't awesome. When you stop condescendingly sneering at me for having to share the beach trail with me, then I won't make fun of you for shaving your legs.
3) People that won't share the sidewalk. The sidewalk is generally wide enough that two people going in opposite directions can pass each other without so much as entering the airspace of the other. I *love* these people that act like it is the most unthinkable thing that they would need to line up SINGLE FILE to make room for someone else on the sidewalk. " I have to walk BEHIND someone? That's insulting!" I'll tell you what's insulting, running me off the sidewalk and making me run in the dog poo minefield that is the grass edging the sidewalk because you're too good to share the walkway. I don't care what country you're from or even what your worldview is regarding sharing walkways with women, shaaaarree.
4) People that let their dogs roam to kingdom come and back, over and over, while on a leash.
5) Rolling through a crosswalk/stopsign while looking left the entire time you're rolling into your right turn to make sure you don't hit some car, almost taking out my kneecaps in the process. That whole look both ways concept? Doesn't just apply to pedestrians crossing the street, drivers can benefit from this practice as well. Also, stopsigns weren't invented to spice up the airspace at around 7-9ft- I'm pretty sure they were intended to be heeded.
6) Entering an intersection at a 4-way stopsign while I'm crossing it, edging closer and closer the whole time, just waiting for me to get out of your half of the road so you can keep going. Just so you can get to your destination 10 seconds faster than had you waited for me to cross. Also, if I see you doing this, I'm just going to slow down and make you look like a fool for sitting smack in the middle of the intersection.

7) In a variation of #6, coming in hot to the crosswalk at a stopsign, in which I am running, slamming on the brakes to stop on the line and then inching forward as I reach the curb.  For crying out loud- I'm running!!!  If you can't wait the 3 seconds it takes me to get past your bumper then leave your house earlier.  And yes, I WILL slow down to a 20min/mile walking speed just to make you more late and shoot you a dirty glare the whole time.  
8) Waiting for me to cross the street before making your right turn, but then deciding I'm "taking too long" and so you decide to turn in front of me when I'm about 5 feet away.
9) Failing to at least acknowledge the existence of the person passing within 3 feet of you that is giving you a wave or a smile. Looking at them like they have 2 extra heads is not considered acknowledgement. Seriously, if you're going to go out into public but then proceed like a dark cloud of anti-social gloom, just stay inside & run on a treadmill. And that's coming from the poster child for anti-socialism.

Just so you know, if you do any of these things to a runner- this is what they're thinking.  We're watching, and keeping score...

Keep looking at the bright side...

Today is somewhat of a landmark day.  Today, I went to the hospital like I have every freaking Monday for the last 7 weeks (minus 2 merciful days in the ER and OR).  Today, I  just wasted 2 hours of my life researching 14 medications that I may or may not give tomorrow.  For example, I have written up Vancomycin EVERY week I have picked out a patient.  Kid you not, I have yet to hang that med because it gets canceled by Tuesday morning.  My patient tomorrow is getting it in an oral suspension, so we'll see if that increases my chances of giving it.  Today, I will waste 2-3 more hours researching more stuff on my patient so that I am ready to go for clinical tomorrow.  

And tomorrow is my last critical care clinical day.  To make it more substantial, it's my last clinical day of my nursing school career.  I'll have 9 clinical preceptorship shifts after this to complete, but each of those doesn't require a minimum of 5 hours of paperwork the night before. Wow.

The next few weeks are full of a lot of "last times".  Last clinical day.  Last spring break.  Last clinical evaluation.  Last community health day (amen!).  Last medical lecture.  I just received an updated evaluation of petition to graduate, telling me that upon successful completion of this course, I will graduate.  

I can't believe I'm going to graduate soon.  May 19th to be exact.  And yet it seems so far away.

I tell myself all these things as I sit in front of my computer, writing up THREE separate eye drops that I'm going to drop in my patient's eyeballs tomorrow and I'm so annoyed that I have to do this one last time.  I'm not turning this in.  This is so I don't kill my patient, presumably by eyedrops, tomorrow.  I'm trying to enjoy the finality of this moment, but really, I'd rather be watching Charmed.  It's on in 20 minutes after all.

77 more days until graduation...

Would you like some cheese with your whine?

Cry me a river.  Seriously and please.  I really should stop reading the news.

Apparently, Iran is incensed with Hollywood (aren't we all, just take a number and get in line) over "insults and accusations against the Iranian nation" and is demanding an apology.  A spokesman for the president said American film makers "humiliate and insult the Iranian people and the great revolution of this nation".  Um, OK.  He then proceeded to single out the "thriller" starring Sally Field, Not Without My Daughter, which is not a thriller in the traditional sense but more thrillingly cheesy.  I'm under the impression that movie was based on a true story, so if it's insulting it's only because people are ashamed that it actually happened in their country.  Anyway, in the movie Gidget marries an Iranian, they go to visit the homeland, hubby realizes he really is a fundamentalist at heart and holds them captive in Iran, she can leave but not with the kid- cue the dramatic sequences leading to the escape of both.  Also mentioned was 300, some movie I didn't see but in some comment on the news story on CNN, the commenter states that if Iran wants an apology then they should apologize for invading Greece back in 480 B.C.  You can go to IMDB.com and read up on the movie and get a totally unofficial history lesson which is probably only half true, but the gist is Persia invaded Greece and is now upset that this was portrayed.  Whatever!  Don't invade people and we won't make movies about it!!

Anyway, I don't see what is such the big deal.  We make hundreds of movies every year insulting Americans, not so many people are making a big deal about that.  And anybody old enough to remember the Cold War?  Remember Rocky IV with the big 'roided out Russian, and Red Dawn, and heck, Russkies for that matter?  Those weren't even true stories!  Did Russia demand an apology?  No!  Because they don't care- they know we're exaggerating, fanciful and delusional, and pretty much just make movies to make us look awesome.  Russia saw a lost cause and left us alone, except for the whole stockpiling nukes routine.  

If we're still waiting for apologies for Semi-Pro, The Next Karate Kid, every Tremors installment and all 90 of the Scary Movie debacles, then I don't think the country of Iran is getting one.  Maybe it doesn't make it right, but I'm not holding my breath.

Oh, I also want an apology for Stepbrothers and K2.