Proper mask fitting.

If you're seriously concerned about getting the swine flu and being a statistic, here are two ways to NOT avoid contracting the flu:

Oh sister.  If you look closely, one of these women is doing her own thing and that's rocking the surgical mask sideways.  Proper mask fit hint #1- gaping holes on either side of your mask do nothing to restrict the movement of airborne particles into your respiratory system.  Nice try, but you're getting the flu.  Proper mask fit hint #2- if you're not sure which way the masks go on, look around you for guidance.  Everyone else has bands around the EARS, creating a decent seal on the face.  What this poor woman should really be contemplating while sitting there is how her fellow sisters can call themselves her friends while letting her go on with this egregious faux pas in self-air filtering. 

Proper mask fit hint #3- you gotta put one on for it to work.  That's just all there is to it. Proper mask fit hint #4- not covering your nose with the surgical mask is an acceptable form of prevention only if your nasal passages are not connected with your respiratory system in any way or if you are a committed and studious mouth-breather.  But really, even then stuff's getting down.  Yeah, you have to have nasal atresia  or this just isn't working at all.

Being done with nursing school is awesome.

Please, one more swift kick in the arse while I'm down.

Debbie Downer, Negative Nancy, Bitter Betty... I don't care, call me what you want.  

So, after two back-to-back precepting shifts, I came home last night to another politely worded yet still asinine rejection letter in my email junk folder, which in hindsight is the perfect place for that letter.  The best part is, it was for a position for which I was told about a week ago that I would be contacted for an interview.  I've been contacted alright- for an interview with REJECTION!!!!

This morning, I was supposed to surf, for the first time in about 4 months with a friend.  South wind by 8am.  South winds do amazing things to the ocean, none of which are good in Orange County.  So we sat at her house and ate breakfast instead.  So much for upping the physical activity once done with nursing school.

But, and this is the kicker, before heading off to not surf, I went out into my garden.  The !@#$%!$ snails and slugs returned last night to their all-you-can-eat buffet which also happens to be my vegetable garden.  Five new lettuce plants- gone.  ONE HALF of my red bell pepper plant- gone.  I've got so much Corry's Slug & Snail Death in and around my backyard right now I'm practically a toxic waste dump.  I hate snails and slugs so much, that I go out of my way while running to kill any that I come across.  Hate them all.  What a ridiculous, ridiculous waste of DNA, cellular energy and slime.  

It's only noon, plenty of time for more disappointment...

One way to tell you're over nursing school...

I think this was intended to evoke an emotional response and make people well with pride in nursing and highlight what a noble, fulfilling and life-changing role nurses play in life.

This commercial should have a warning screen before playing, telling soon-to-be-graduated nurses to avert their eyes.  I saw it while at the local Toyota dealership getting my truck serviced, and couldn't properly guffaw due to the fact I was in a public setting and didn't want to make people uncomfortable.

From the deep end of the sarcasm pool, I chortle and laugh maniacally.  A commercial intended to recruit nurses?!?  Thank you Johnson & Johnson and www.discovernursing.com!  I have you to thank for the depression session last week that will require years of therapy, don't I?

Like I said elsewhere earlier today, the website should be more appropriately named www.discoverunemployment.com.  That would be more fitting at this point and time in history.

I think I'm the only person that finds me humorous at this point.  Everyone else fears for my sanity.

Gasp! A clue???

This afternoon, on the eve of my last nursing final, I finally received some good news.

I might actually be called for an interview.

I use the word "might" as a safety net for when they don't call because at this point, having applied for 7 different positions at 6 different hospitals without one interview (and with one lame form rejection letter from the Sisters and one of their crummy hospitals), my good attitude and motivation is pretty much gone.

I'm quite entrenched in a pool of sarcasm that is apparently bottomless and freeflowing, which I'm sure makes me buckets of fun to be around.  I've referred to myself as a resume leper, being as desireable as leprosy (I think I'm fixated on leprosy, which is now more properly known as Hansen's Disease) and probably one of the few people at graduation that will still be unemployed as I stroll across the stage May 19th to receive my dorky $45 nursing pin (I went budget; did you know it can be 14K gold, you can have a diamond put on it and it can cost upwards of $350???  Bling!!!!).  See, you're already sick of me, aren't you?

Anyway, this afternoon, after sitting on my patio trying to feebly read through my neuro notes, I checked my email.  In my inbox was a response to an email I sent a few days ago and I was downright scared to open it.  But since everything sucks anyway, how much worse could one email make things?  So I opened it and was pleasantly surprised.  I'm kind of beside myself- so much so that I saved the email and will probably read it about 9 more times tonight.  And its only two sentences.  PAAA-thetic.  See, this is what nursing school has reduced me to.

And that's it.  So, I might be called for an interview.  Which is heaps better than what I've been staring at for the last 3 weeks.  Has it only been 3 weeks?  Seems like an eternity...

I find it ironic that now, as I'm on the brink of moving on to my new chapter in life, I find myself in the same predicament as when I made the decision to even do all this crap.  Almost 4 years ago, I lost my job, there were few prospects in my industry and I was over it to boot. Nursing, huh?  That sounds great!  And they NEED me?!?  What, they'll throw money at me before I graduate to hire me?!?  HOT dang!

Not.

So here I am again, with no job, few prospects and waaay to much medical information for my own good.

Don't mention the words "nursing shortage" around me, because let me tell you, there isn't one around here right now.  That New Grad open house last week that was expecting around 200 students and got 600+ from all over the country, neighboring countries like Philippines, India, Iran, and people that graduated in 2008 and were still looking for jobs...  THAT was depressing.  600+ for a rumored 9 spots.  I'm thinking that was probably a major contributor to my plunge into the sarcasm depths.  It's a defense mechanism.  I don't handle rejection well. Some people let it roll off them and forge on.  Me- I take it personally.  It's a character flaw.

So, I read a lot of psalms.  I like the ones begging for mercy and to be saved from their current situation.  Sure, the original authors were being pursued by rabid armies of angry men and tormented for their faith... but I like to pretend that the author is trying to get a nursing job after almost 4 years of hell and can't find one.  Psalm 86 is a pretty good one.  Nothing like misinterpreting the Bible to fit your situation.

I really hope I get a call...

I'm going to go with yes, I'm graduating nursing school.

After a successful attempt at getting a good grade on my last exam, I have calculated the points I need to score on the final to pass nursing school with a certain grade.  At this point, things are looking pretty sweet.

On the final, I need to score...

To get an A: 85

To get a B: 50

To get a C: 33.

I'm liking the B.  With a wedding to attend this weekend and my 5th precepting shift on Monday, I'm thinking the B looks mighty fine.

It will all be over soon.  And then I can start my career as a waitress, because not a damn hospital within 50 miles is hiring new grads.  I'm so glad I slaved for 3 1/2 years...

The Novice Guide to How to Converse With Me Right Now.

Since retreating into the nursing school bubble and therefore alienating most friends, as I approach the end of my saga and prepare to re-enter "normal life" (seriously, what is THAT), some people may have some apprehension as to how to talk to me.  It's been awhile.  Let me put you at ease.  Here's the down and dirty guide of how to talk to me (updated 4/13/09).

- Don't ask me how job hunting is going.  There is nothing more pathetic than watching a grown woman cry after asking a New Grad RN (in 36 days, anyway) how's the job hunting.  I guarantee you will make me cry and then you will feel sorry.

- You can talk to me about the surf.  I have, of my own volition, not surfed since the week before starting my fourth semester.  That would be the first full week of January.  I am so excited to start surfing again, I can't contain myself.  Starting May 4th, I will be unemployed and ready to surf so call me if you longboard, like it waist-chest high and cool water is OK.

- The Recession- surefire way to make me vomit in 5 seconds or less.  The recession needs to seriously get over itself, because I am D-O-N-E.

- The Economy- fits into the "recession" category, but at this point, I feel like it's a catch-all for all problems.  Listen, there's always going to be sick people.  You need us new grads. Admit it.  We're going to be around for longer than the part-timers trying to bring in the dollars and the old RN's delaying retirement.  

SO, essentially, don't talk to me about the economy, talk to me about everything else, especially the surf.  I miss that.  Hopefully, my boards haven't been e-Bay'd against my knowledge for cash.  That would suck.  

Oh, and gardening.  I LOVE to talk about vegetables.  If you want a veggie, I probably have the seeds and can start you something.  It's my contribution.  Since I'm not doing much else but complaining.

Life as a student on 4/13/09.

Life as student on 4/13/09 sucks.  If you're an RN student 8 days from your final, 17 days from your last precepting shift and 36 days from your pinning ceremony- it sucks beyond belief.  Come with me on a few tidbits of my last few days...

- I had to tell the son of a patient to stop involving me in his power struggle with my preceptor.  Yesterday, he told one of the doctors lies about my preceptor.  Today, he told his doctor that I withheld a medication that he explicitly identified while I was giving it.   

- Later that day, the same son recited (out loud) the Lord's Prayer and several Hail Mary's over and over again while we did our job- which maybe wouldn't be so significant if it weren't for the fact that he wasn't doing it when we walked in and he got louder the longer we were in there.  I just prayed that God would make me nicer.  Because I was out of niceness by that point.

- Psych consults are a good thing and we should be able to order them on anyone that comes in a hospital.

- Today at a new grad event, I tried to make an impression out of 600+ other soon-to-be new grads... and new grads that were done in 2008.  2008!!! It doesn't help that when I asked two people how I stand out of a crowd of 600+, one told me to drop my pants and the other told me to run around naked.  Not quite the impression I was looking for.  Nudity is never a good option.

- Seriously, 600+ people?  All hoping to be hired at one stinking hospital?!?  And here's the thing that gets me: I was downright PISSED at the people who were at this thing from out of state, Northern California (no offense, love the Nor Cal- downright prickly when I have to compete with them for a job in my own backyard), heck, out of my county at this point.  IT'S NOT THAT RAD HERE!!!!  GO AWAY!!!!!!  It's expensive and there's too much traffic already. Go away.  And there was a sprinkling of international people.  Do NOT get me going on that.

- The day after tomorrow, I have my LAST nursing exam (but not the final).  And I could care less. I have no motivation to study.  Yeah, nursing school!  You should totally apply.

- The more I type, the more the level of the red wine in my glass sinks.

- The other night, I didn't even wake up when the Tall One got home.  I apparently just smiled and never opened my eyes when he talked to me, which makes me no different from the neuro patients I had earlier this semester.  That was after back-to-back shifts.  

- I've been trying out different ways to take naps in the afternoon, in prep for the night shift job for which I won't be hired.  My current setup of dark-colored sarongs over the window and ear plugs works great.  Not sure how that meshes with Reggae Sunsplash next door, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

- Oh so sad, out of red wine.  Don't worry, there was less than half a bottle when I started.

Well, I'm done further depressing myself!  That was fun!  Not really.

I'm going to be the only waitress in town that can run your code and manage your central venous pressure while serving you breakfast.  Bacon and eggs with a side of hemodynamic monitoring.  Hot plate, pickitup!!!

And somehow THESE people have a job and I don't.

From a CNN.com article:

"PETA is no stranger to oddball campaigns. A recent one was aimed to re-christen fish as 'sea kittens' because 'who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?'"

This is just a morsel from a larger article about how the 80's band, The Pet Shop Boys, was recently asked by PETA to change their 20-yr-old band name to "The Rescue Shelter Boys" to highlight the abuses and living conditions pet breeders keep their animals in before selling them off to pet shops.  Thankfully, the Pet Shop Boys said no.

I'm so annoyed and over just about everything around me at this point, that I have nothing left to comment about this.  Other than to seethe that even in this economy, some doofnuts at PETA with a surreal sense of empowerment is getting a paycheck, and I can't get an interview.

You're a sea kitten.

That pretty much sums things up at this point.

So, I've changed the subtitle of my blog.  And if you infer from that title that I am discouraged and depressed, then you infer correctly.

Don't worry.  I don't need to be monitored.  

I just need a job to validate the blood, sweat and many tears I've wasted over the last three and a half years.

How to annoy a jobless, soon to be New Grad RN.

Make her take a 40-question "critical thinking" assessment test immediately after a 180-question comprehensive online assessment on everything she's learned for the last 2 years.

Make sure that in that "critical thinking" assessment, there are questions like: If spring is late, the bees and birds will be small and hungry.  From this information, pick which statement accurately repeats this premise- a) If spring is late, birds will be small and bees will be hungry, b) If spring not late, birds will not be small and bees will not be hungry, c) If spring is not late, the birds and bees will not be small and hungry, d) go shoot yourself.

Get a small dog for a pet, leave at home by itself on your patio all day and let it bark for hours for your neighbors' enjoyment.

Convince her that Wal-Mart is a good idea.

In anticipation of her arrival at Wal-Mart, leave 4 shopping carts at the end of the parking stall that is less than 10 feet from the shopping cart return, and about 15 feet from the next closest shopping cart return.

Allow your 5 children to meander aimlessly behind you as you take up the entire aisle while walking down it, with at least 3 of them asking you repeatedly in loud voices if they can have this.  Or this.  Or maybe this.  Is it spring break or something?  Shouldn't they be in school, rather than in Wal-Mart groveling for a cheap baseball bat?

Nearly run her toes over with your shopping cart as you steal her place in the newly opened checkout stand because you are in a hurry to purchase cockatiel food.  Two thoughts here: you had to rudely cut in front because of bird food... and you needed a CART to hold a 2lb. container of birdseed?  I've got two words for you: the gym.  And put that cart in the shopping cart return, you dolt.

Make sure the economy tanks right before she finishes a 3 1/2 year adventure, leaving her and hundreds of other new grad RN's with no jobs.

Good times.

Garden happiness.

Like a proud parent showing off photos of her kids, I have photos of my Summer 2009 veggie garden.  It's a well-planned adventure, complete with some crude, hand-drawn blueprints and a hefty amount of Corry's Slug & Snail Death.  Those little slimebags (quite literally) have bothered with my garden for the last time.  It's war.

First off, we have:

This my latest weapon.  It has the best product name ever and I have high hopes for it. Cardboard-packaged death- how awesome is that?!?  I have a friend that was trying to bait them with beer, which they then drown in, but it wasn't working. And I'm not wasting beer on slimy invertebrates.

So next, we have the tomato section.  The big ones are Better Boys.  I had great success with these last year and I'm determined to keep them contained and NOT allow the Tomato Tangle to develop like last year.  The little guy on the right is a Green Zebra, and it was just upgraded from plastic pot to the planter today.  It was like a graduation day for it.  I'm about as emotionally attached to it as one can get towards a plant, I grew it from a seed and it's been doing great.  The two bigger ones are growing at about 1in a day, and have yellow flowers, I may be having tomatoes soon!  I love living in Southern California.

Shifting to the left of the Tomato Patch, is the lettuce patch.  This summer, the most real estate in my garden is going towards lettuce.  We eat a ton of it and it's easy so I feel rad.  Pretty much, the planter space you see in this frame is all dedicated to lettuce.  The heads in there are mostly ready to be picked, I just feel sad because my seedlings are not quite ready to go in yet and as soon as I pick these the patch will be bare.  So I'm stalling.  This is also ground zero for the Snail/Slug War, so there's a lot of Corry's around this area.

Shifting left again, you see the Bell Pepper Patch.  From the right side of this photo to the tallest plant is still lettuce patch territory, but there are 3 pepper plants to the left of that.  I did well with bell peppers last year.  They like it hot, so I'm hoping, for their sake and definitely not mine, that this summer is good and warm-hot.  The tallest plant survived winter and is making flower buds so this could be cool.  So we've got orange, purple (for wow factor) and red. They grow slow, I planted these at the same time as my tomatoes and the tomatoes have smoked the peppers in the growth category.

Shifting further left, is Cucumber Land.  I was tired of "patch", "land" seemed appropriate. Anyway, this is a pretty lame picture, because the cucumber plants are so teeny you have to look for them- but they're MINE.  So I post pictures of them.  Because they're so small and defenseless, they're going to get the Frat Party treatment (nightly covering with Dixie cups) until they're big enough to survive a snail.  I had a snail mow through a baby lettuce plant last night so I'm pretty ticked off.  Cucumbers are GREAT in a small garden, I had so many last summer!  I've got a slicing cucumber and a Persian cucumber, the Persians are ready at about 3-4in and are sweet.  I planted them too late last year so it will be nice to see what a whole summer can do for it.

And this is the nursery.  This is where my baby seedlings live until they are big enough to live in the planters.  So cute.  So... dirty.

I love my garden.  I may not have studied about emergency nursing today, but I'm setting us up for a summer of food.  So I got THAT going for me...

Slapped in the face with reality moment- #1.

I'M DONE WITH NURSING SCHOOL IN 19 DAYS.  NINETEEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!  AND I DON'T HAVE A JOB YET!!!!!!!!!

And that's why I'm in the veggie garden.  When reality starts to suck, you retreat to the safe haven of your vegetables.  I talk to them.  I encourage them.  I make the mean snails and slugs die.  I might also be losing my mind.

My folder is also outside, I'm hoping to absorb info from it, as it's closed, via the breeze, kind of like cross-pollination.  Or something like that.

Culinary triumph!

I'm feeling pretty hot right now.  Food preparation-wise, I'm almost invincible after tonight.  

The Tall One has had a strong aversion for ANY homecooked seafood practically his whole life. Put him in a restaurant and it's game on, he'll eat anything.  But I've seen him shun even birthday celebration meals just because there's seafood on it.  I think he even just ate noodles at one of my birthday dinners, just because it had shrimp sauteed in lemon juice.  Pretty strict. Anyway, last May, we did a Northern CA road trip and stayed in Monterey one night.  At a restaurant on Cannery Row, he ordered pesto-parmesean crusted salmon- and raved about it.  I tried once to get him to let me re-create it at home.  He actually told me to just leave the good taste to memory because he didn't want it ruined.  I take that as a challenge.

It's been a while since my last attempt to get home-cooked fish sanctioned.  He does fine with my shrimp stir-frys, mostly because they're mired in sauces and peppers and other stuff.  But fish, that's new territory.  But tonight, I was ready.  And I did not disappoint.

Fresh pesto on salmon that has been pan fried with parmesean cheese on it (so it's crusted on)... and then I made a beet salad.  Beets, goat cheese, lettuce greens with a lemon/thyme/shallot vinaigrette.  And for dessert, it's fresh strawberries in a sweet lemon syrup topped with whipped cream.  And he liked it all.  I knew I was on the verge of victory when he said, "Well, it smells like the salmon we had at the restaurant..."  And then he told me, that for the first time, he liked a home-cooked fish dish.  And honestly, how could it not taste good?!? Fresh fish, cooked in oil, smothered in cheese and topped with pesto?  That's like going bowling with a big red playground ball- how are you NOT going to get a strike?!?

I'm almost hungry again.  And I'm awesome.  

London=city. England=country.

So, I'm a sucker for VH-1 countdown shows and tonight they are counting down the Top 100 One-Hit Wonders.  Good times!!

There was this song in the late, late 80's that I couldn't stand.  Black Velvet by Alannah Myles.  She was this Canadian chick singing about Mississippi and the south and other stuff, trying to be a sultry sexpot.  I didn't know she was Canadian at the time, but now that I know it, it makes the song more annoying- you weren't from there!!!  It'd be like me belting out tunes about Prince Edward Island or roughing it in the Yukon.

So after getting the requisite comments from sub A-list people, they get Alannah Myles herself and she's rocking the Pepe le Pew, grey/white handful of hot mess curls off one side of her forehead while the rest of her hair is hot mess dark.  And in this totally odd and creepy way she says, "Black Velvet was #1 in almost every country in the world except for London, England..."

(Narrowed eyes, biting my lip...) OK, can't stand it.  London isn't a country!!!!!  What do they teach you up north?!?!?

Did you know she won a Grammy for that load of crap and inexplicably sold millions of albums?  She never saw a dollar of it due to a label dispute.  She then proceeded to cry a sob story about how she wasn't a lawyer, or an accountant or a manager- she was an artist.  She then sang her heart out in Europe and then hosted a Canadian show about the paranormal.  "Waves are an essential part of our universe... and beyond."

And it all makes sense now.

My cousin?

I hear and read every now and again about viruses/scams via Facebook.  I try to be diligent and not add any lame applications (although I do fall prey to the occasional quiz- apparently I'm best suited to be living in Hawaii.  Duh, I need a quiz to tell me that?).  Anyway, I think today I was almost had.

They have these relative requests, where people can select you and say you're related and then you confirm it and you show up on each other's relative lists.  Personally, I can't keep up.  Today, I got a family request from Barack Obama.  Apparently, we're cousins.

(Pursed lips.  Furrowed brow.  Confused look.)

Nothing against the guy, I mean he's got the worst job in the country and I think he might be in over his head but at least he's trying... but I'm going to go with that I'm going to keep this one a secret from my dad.  You just don't tell your staunchly Republican father that bleeds red, white and blue that Obama is your cousin.

I think someone's trying to fool me...