Quake Watch!!!! 2008

I love living in Southern California.

Today, we had our first sizeable earthquake in a while- a healthy 5.4 on the Richter scale.  I happened to be in Target when it happened, which is probably the last time I think I'll be in a large flat building with hundreds of signs suspended from the ceiling during an earthquake.  Because, you know, I obviously have a choice in the matter.

Anyway, while talking myself out of a third trip to the dressing room, I heard a sales associate start making these weird whimpering noises and realized that I felt funny and then felt the unique and well-known situation of being on a moving surface while standing still.  The department signs were swinging, clothes were swaying, the bras in the "intimates" department were swaying in unison on their racks... good times.  You know how in the early stage of a quake you kind of stop, look around and see if it's going to be a mellow roll or it's just getting going and you need to find some sturdy surroundings fast?  I don't know how long it took, but my internal monologue went something like this:

"Wow.  Haven't had one of these in a long time.  Hmm, let's see what it's going to do.  Wow, those suspended signs are moving good.  Oooo, I wonder if they have that shirt in my size? So, how far to the front door if things got really bad?  That was a good jerk, but maybe it's going to stay the same.  Oh, OK.  We're done."

And if you've never been in an earthquake, then just take my word for it- these are the things you should be thinking.  Not, "Holy hell, we're all going to die" while screaming "Aaaaiiiiieeeee!!" and running headlong for the exit.  Which nobody did, thank goodness.  We had some seasoned quake veterans in Target today.

But then the strangest thing happened- after it was done, it was this mad rush to the checkout lines.  I mean, a good 70% of the store bolted for the registers and split.  What the hell?  It's over with- why are you leaving now?  It ended up being good for me, I hung around for about 20 more minutes and didn't have to wait in line.  I need more earthquakes on my shopping trips.

But by far the best part about quakes is the incessant news coverage.  In an area where celebrity gossip makes the nightly news, an earthquake is an Emmy-award winning news opportunity.   During our annual three week rainy season, the first appearance of sprinkles brings on the Storm Watch reporting.  This consists of very pretty news correspondents donning yards of Eddie Bauer all-elements gear, pulling up to the first intersection they can find with a puddle almost to the top of a curb and then doing some cutting edge on-the-scene reporting.  "We're live here at the corner of Main and Central, and let me tell you- the water is rising.  In just 4 hours of sprinkling, the water levels here are almost breaching the curbs- and there's no sign of it stopping.  I've got some folks here that have braved the elements and are willing to answer some questions for us.  So, how do you think the rain is going to affect things around here"  "Well, Mary-Beth, when I saw the weather report last night, I knew that we needed to stay in.  But, we ran out of Diet Tab and Ho-Ho's and so we had to go out.  Basically, I'm just trying to get back before the water starts running over the curbs, because there's no telling what might happen then.  Who knows, maybe we won't even be able to get back."  Just in case you were wondering, everyone in Southern California is gunning for an Oscar.

But back to earthquakes.  Like the random drizzle squall, earthquakes are another opportunity to knock a few IQ points off So Cal residents instead of letting the network soaps have all the fun.  There's been lots of footage of old, old buildings with bricks around them, Cal Tech news conferences (which is just social skills practice for people that research rocks and stare at seismographs 24/7), and my favorite- on the scene footage at a local liquor store that had mostly cleaned up all the product that had fallen into the aisles so there was a lot of footage of clean aisles.  CNN eat your heart out!!!  

They even managed to get the Governator to come out from under the tanning lights/mystic tan sprayer to say a few words.  Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Ah-nold.  I just like to make fun of a man who runs our state and manages to stretch "California" into a 5-syllable word and probably sits around watching Predator reruns when he's not trying to destroy a world-class surf spot with a toll road.  Save Trestles!!  Oh wait, wrong topic.

Really, who watches all that crap?  I mean, give me the magnitude, the location and major damage stats and then let's get back to regular TV programming already.  If I see one more correspondent hunt down the new California resident to get their account of the event (because newbies are more dramatic, the lifetime locals yawn when you ask them- NOT conducive to cutting edge reporting), I'm going to throw up.

Just wait for the night time news.... 

**UPDATE!!!**- absolutely nothing.  But, it definitely wasn't an exciting earthquake when there is no real news to cover and the networks are reduced to reading emailed firsthand accounts on the air and declaring that ground radar at LAX went out for about a minute.  Wow.  One whole minute.  I think the networks thought this was going to be news gold and canceled all TV programming for the next 10 hours and now that there's nothing to report, they're scrambling to fill the space.  

Lastly, one the Cal Tech geologists is rocking a FINE set of suspenders.  Making 'em hot for 2008.