Monday, I was spared the wrath of the aminotic fountain because I was put on the antepartum unit- where you take care of patients that have no business being in labor, so if you want to avoid seeing a birth it's a pretty good place to be. They threw a postpartum patient at us, just to keep it mixed up and to remind me that the only other time I want to be on a postpartum unit is as a patient. Not any time soon of course. Anyway, I was surrounded by twins. Two moms keeping their twin buns in their ovens, another mom going home with her twins- that's enough to scare me into tubal ligation. Anyway, antepartum is nice, but I'll be moving on. We'll mark it under the list of "Areas of nursing that wouldn't cause me to go on a vicious rampage if I was forced to work there".
(Total side note: I like how the local 5pm NBC news anchorwoman didn't even give the disgraced Illinois governor's name anything remotely related to a try, she just referred to him as the governor of Illinois. Quitter!!!!!)
After celebrating being clinically done with OB by consuming 1/3 of a BJ's Pizza combo appetizer platter, wings and pizzookie, lecture was somewhat of a letdown. Things were kicked off on a happy note this morning with the appearance of our professor next semester for Advanced Nursing. Like I wasn't already nauseated by the fact that in 5 months I will be graduating nursing school and heading out into the wide world of actual nursing, now this guy shows up and scares the becrappers out of me about next semester and then exits with a "Have a nice holiday and enjoy your break!" ??? Four weeks off isn't NEARLY enough at this point...
And then lecture just picked up the ball and kept running. Today, I learned that I may already have an increased risk for breast cancer purely because 1) I haven't had any kids, 2) I've delayed having kids until my 30's (something I consider socially responsible given the fact that I was a loose cannon in my 20's and NOT MARRIED, little things like that... and this is how I'm rewarded???), 3) I use birth control, 4) I've never breastfed and 5) little unalterable things like I'm white and female. Oh, and I also found out that 1 or more alcoholic drinks a day is considered excessive. It was an uplifting 10 mintues. I then learned that should this be part of my future, mastectomy would be recommended for me because my, ahem, "assets", are not as sizeable as most. After waltzing through other cancers and disorders of the reproductive system, we wrapped up class with a photo essay of sexually transmitted diseases. I almost threw up in my mouth at least twice. If you'd like to know how they used to diagnose bacterial vaginosis, email me. The difference between you and me is that you aren't required to know this; I, on the other hand, may be tested on this in 5 days.
And if that doesn't top it all, I can't even get a straight answer on how many questions will be on my final. This is crucial so I can calculate just how hard I have to study over the next 5 days. I've been told that it will be at least 75 points, but I prefer to calculate precisely. And I can't right now. And that pretty much sums up my class.
Five more days, five more days...
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