Party of five, we'll seat you in October...

Tonight was another lesson in "How to keep your mouth shut and not alienate total strangers."

Monday night is all-night happy hour at our favorite sushi place. It's a screaming deal and even incubating the future ruler of the free world can't keep me from going. I worked up an appetite and everything. To make matters more fun, we went with the Drs. Stone- who are always game for happy hour.

So the Tall One and I get there first. The patio is maybe a quarter full. Virtually empty. There are 3 high school-aged girls playing hostess and they ask, "Table for two?" I say, "No, four." Wrong answer.

Vapid #1 proceeds to tell us that unfortunately they can only seat full parties on the patio, but we could wait in the bar and they'd call us. Bear in mind, the place is maybe a quarter full and we are the ONLY people standing at the desk.

Since we eat there more often than we should, I know that all the patio tables are 4-tops. So, even if we had said "Party of two", we'd have gotten the same table. I really, really, REALLY wanted to ask this girl, "So, if I change my answer to 2, and people just happen to show up does that mean I lose the table? I mean, there's room. And it's not like people aren't going to NOT be seated. The only thing getting bumped are the crickets, seriously, your patio is empty." But she had this utterly clueless expression that comes from spending too much time at the beach and mall and not enough time in class, and she had that annoying stoner OC voice going. I then understood that any logical reasoning would be just lost on her.

So I hid my smile, sort of, and we waited for the rest of our party.

But here's my hypothetical situation for the night: say I'm one of those freakishly annoying people that refers to their unborn child like it's already a functioning member of society and was trying to be cute and told the hostess "Party of five"? And when I told her that the fifth was my fetus (ALWAYS pronounced FEH-tus, as far as the Tall One is concerned), I can see at least 2 of the following 3 things happening:

1) She laughed and went along with it and sat us

2) The last of her functioning neurons short-circuited and she was rendered unable to critically think for the remainder of her life

3) The joke would've totally missed her and she'd tell us she wouldn't be able to seat us until after my due date in October.

I'm almost positive only #2 and #3 are the only viable options...